it’s going to be OK

Next year I’m going to let go of the need to beat myself up for not writing as much as I do come December.

Every year is the same, I write all of December, maybe even a post or two in January and then by the time my birthday comes around the blog fever has left me until something really sticks out to me or until reverb15.

So after a few years I know exactly how the story will play out. So in 2015 that will not be the case. I will write when my fingers won’t allow it any other way. I will not be a slave to a writing schedule. I will let go of all the hard feelings towards my writing and by default myself. Here’s to happy writing and for rest days that keep you just as busy.

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You’re it!

He’d been in the pool for all of 5 min before I heard him yell out “you’re it!” which means either he or the other kids had said “Want to be friends?”

It will never cease to amaze me how fast and easy kids can make “friends”. When then do we lose that gift? As I’ve gotten older it has definitely become harder to make friends. Are my expectations too high? Or are they too low, and so I sabotage any friendship before it has any chance of growing into anything better.

I look at when I made friends: elementary school, if it wasn’t for facebook I don’t think I would speak to any of them. (I suppose I don’t really speak to them). Middle School/Jr. High I went to a school other than my homeschool so I think that may have hindered communication with some of the grade school friends. Would that be different now in the age of texting and IM’ing? High School for one reason or another I ended up going to 4 different schools. I speak to only one person from middle/jr  and only a couple of people from high school are actually part of my life again if not for FB. Even those people are mostly linked to my wife (whom I met in high school).

The next chapter in my life was the military. I spent xx years in the Marine Corps and I made bonds with people that I know will be actually part of my life forever. Each bond stronger than the last. From training to actual combat. I can remember meeting each of those people and what they meant and how they got me through those tough days and the of course the tough days that follow an enlistment.

After the Marine Corps I didn’t think I’d make friends again. I then joined a group of athletes that showed me I couldn’t be more wrong. I remember the first few days and probably weeks and months it took for me to open up to them. I felt they’d never understand me. They do understand, and surprisingly enough I understand them. As I write these words I come to the realization that it’s been 4 years since I met those folks and I haven’t made any real friends since then. So again, why do we or I refuse to make these connections. Certainly I’ve met people in the last 4 years, right? Yet none really important as all those previously mentioned. (One that comes close I feel close to only because his name and everything about him reminds me of a friends that is very sadly no longer just a phone call away.)

Just as the “you’re it!” earlier made me take a look at friendship and the part it’s played in my life. His goodbye gave me some more insight. “OK bye” and then he walked my way. “I made a friend dad” he exclaimed. Before we even made it to the elevator he had moved on. So I guess there’s just no pressure when we’re young because we haven’t dealt with loss yet. As I’ve grown older I guess I’m done wanting to invest too much of myself in someone I might lose. I will continue to treasure those in my very small circle of friends. All the while hoping it was still OK as adults to say “Want to be friends?”

 

they gave me a bedtime….your honor

i read an article today about a teenager who decided she would sue her parents. i have to admit that there is not a lot of information just yet. still the internet has taken it and ran away with it.

from “news” agency to news agency the descriptor of her has changed. one did identify her as an honor student but later on in the day she was identified as a cheerleader. why not mention the lacrosse team she was also a part of.

yes i’m sure there is some truth to the fact that she is a bit entitled and well moving in with a best friend who’s father is an attorney doesn’t hurt. (anyone but her parents). just like other parents fight to still have their kids on their insurance and as overall dependents until after college. why shouldn’t the same rules apply to her if she doesn’t want to be “emancipated”.

she is definitely used to a certain lifestyle and that is of there doing so regardless why should the “pay”. let us not forget the fact that their income is taken into account when determining her financial aid eligibility. so why not use those funds if the simple truth that they exist messes her up.

I made the claim on FB that things are fairly similar to a divorce where the wife, up until that point, was OK with financial arrangements but now that we talk about rules or other stipulations, the relationship is not as fun so they made an exit. In all honesty I really hope she wins and if it does start a trend I’m sorry. yet I’m confident that if my children sue me I deserve it because i raised some damn brats.

anyway enough rant for now. #runstreak update Day 97.

alright, alright, alright…..just keep living!

last night i, along with any other film buffs in the city if not the world watched as hollywood’s elite threw a party and told each other how awesome they were.

i think it’s pretty great because i do love the movies and i can’t keep a straight face telling my humble “war” stories let alone really sell some of the roles that last nights nominees were up for.

I take it for what it is entertainment. I don’t think that these people shouldn’t care about certain causes or fights. yet i don’t necessarily think that it’s the place to make statements of a political nature. I feel when one does it seems out of place and the message even is lost because of the opportunistic nature of it.

not to mention someone always seems to have a problem with what these actors say or don’t say. Jared Leto got it “right” this time by talking about people that have lived with the struggles he tried to portray. yet it seems he wasn’t specific enough and so still criticized for it. He mentioned AIDS by name. Matthew Mcconaughey on the other hand did not and then tried to make sense of what he though about 10 years ago and maybe even 10 years before that.

The same could be said for other actors and speeches but I chose to point those two out because it proof of being damned if you do and damned if you don’t. MM did thank God and so that group of people were happy. Is that what he didn’t mention AIDS or the LGTB community. I’ll add that I didn’t read that and if I mention that it’s just because thats how easy these media outlets make a story take off.

With the advent of social media stories spread even faster and i think with even less regard for truth. This group is mad and they should or shouldn’t be. I really think that it’s selfish of us to be upset about what some one said at their party that we were lucky enough to be invited to. Maybe they’ll start doing that in private next time. We would all sit there and read about what went on. If only to criticize what people wore.

I try not to be negative on my blog or on FB but today I guess I chose to vent here before doing so on FB. I figured if I wait till Tuesday all the Oscar buzz will be gone and my feed will go back to fighting about the other celebrities I mean loud mouthed politicians. I guess it could be worse. My friends could all be careless and not read or watch the news.

accountability is key

as far as writing prompts are concerned i’ve seen the one about writing a letter to your past self about a 100 times. my past self is kind of annoyed at hearing how things will be.

today a prompt i found had me writing to someone in the future. i guess i should write about how i hope things are now(then). i of course started to write because i know exactly how i want things to be. notice i immediately thought of writing to myself and not my children. i’m not ready to admit that i won’t be here for their forever.

as i started to type a letter to myself and wrote down things complimenting the new house or success at work. a fear like none other came over me. what if those things aren’t real just yet. how far in the future do i need to send this letter for that to be the case. then i was even more critical at the fact that i’m not sure if those things will ever happen.

so i’ve decided that the letter should not be for a younger Jose who wouldn’t listen to reason anyway. lets face it, that’s what got to us to where we are now and although I know it’s where we need to be on this journey of mine it’s not. i can’t write to future Jose because of reasons already explained above. so this letter really needs to be me now.

Hey Jose,

it’s almost midnight again, you really do have to start posting to your blog a lot earlier than “almost tomorrow”. so i need you to understand that i’m in no way complaining about how things are going lately. life is better than where you were just last year. i just need you to understand that if you want things to be the same or somewhat better then you’re good. yet if your goal is to be a 10 times better then  you need to make a change. you need to make changes in how you perceive accountable.

I want you to lose some weight. I’ve been nice and getting by on just your running as you can see is not cutting it. i read somewhere that you should let the time something will take discourage you, because the time will pass no matter what. so just start eating better. as well as posting your runs maybe you should start an online journal of what you eat. when forced to look back daily or weekly at what you eat it has to have an impact on the autopilot that just says go.

I need you to continue writing but if and when you feel stuck ,do not be shy about turning to classic pen and paper.

always w/ you,

Jose Callejas

 

 

59 days of running in 2014.

total miles ytd : 240 miles. at this pace I should be running more than 1400 miles in 2014. a ha and just lik that I found the mileage and time I want to add to challenges. That’s not to say I can’t put an end to the streak it’s just I have keep busy and keep up with at least 120 a month.

I think looking at those totals that I may have slacked off  a little this time around.. I mean February is a short month, but it should haven’t have been 20 miles short.  Here’s to March being equally awesome. I’m signed up for a Nike challenge of 100 miles or more.

side note, I have to add that G really enjoyed playing with her cabbage patch doll as a little girl. Here is a picture of our baby with some awesome pigtails. OK enough for now I need some cookies, I mean I need some water.

rain, rain, go away

i think i hate it when it rains.

no i’m absolutely sure.

#runstreak update: Day 91: 4 miles.

luckily i was done with the run just minutes before the rain. so to all my angelenos our week of winter is coming. to all my friends from the other coast. the polar vortex is apparently here and my beautiful sky is gloomy and crying.

the sound of rain will obviously not help the “insomnia”. I’m so annoyed, and that seems to wake me up even more. On a good note like I mentioned about earlier I finally ran more than 1 mile and actually felt pretty good about my run.

“how’s the weather in your neck of the woods?” For those just visiting LA, I apologize I assure you this is a fluke.