Surprise Mothe*%^*&!

Day 2.

What surprised you this year?

A year is a long time. I could probably pick out how many things surprise me daily, everyday is surprising if you really pay attention. As I racked my brain though, for a moment that really surprised me I kept coming up with moments where I lost my “cool” and couldn’t really hold in my emotions. I won’t go into much detail as there are too many for this particular post. Some regarding my children, even some long forgotten arguments with the curly one. Still none really made me feel the way remembering a very SURPRISINGLY emotional moment I felt so far from home.

I’d been running for about 12 miles. Now yes, that’s a lot of miles but it wasn’t the distance that got the best of me. Despite the less than stellar build up I had adjusted the pace to simply complete the race and take it all in. After all I didn’t travel to the other side of the country to fail. Yet it hit me like a ton of bricks. Talk about surprise. I read the first name and along with it a picture of two beautiful children smiling on what I can only guess is their Daddy’s lap. Then another picture and another. All different ranks, and along with the names the date they bid this world good bye. I had read about the “blue mile” but nothing prepared me for the overwhelming emotion I felt. I thought of my two beautiful children and how lucky I am that they don’t have to for now live in a world with out their dad or mom.

Then like a 1-2 punch after all the names and pictures a sectioned lined completely by those “gold star” families. So yes, those left behind to suffer and endure the pain that War leaves in it’s wake. I had stopped to walk during the names. I wanted to make sure and read as many as I could. The moment after I high fived a couple of the kids I knew I couldn’t help but cry and so as they cheered for me and all the other runners I had to run. As is the case when sad about war I feel guilty for being home. Especially when I’m not where I’d like to be in life just yet.

So I ran, probably faster than I should have but then again it always feels that way in the last 10K of a marathon. I reached “the bridge”, the point of no return in the Marine Corps Marathon. It means I had to finish. Right before crossing the finish line I found my son, who my wife had made sure was there to see Daddy. I hugged and kissed him and my wife took a picture of my smiling next to Daddy.

I finally crossed the finish line, a newly minted Lieutenant placed the beautiful Eagle Globe & Anchor.  It was just as sweet as the first time I earned mine. I hobbled with the rest of the runners over to the Marine Corps Memorial and I couldn’t have been prouder to be a Marine. It was not lost on me that I was extremely lucky to be walking towards my family.

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You’re it!

He’d been in the pool for all of 5 min before I heard him yell out “you’re it!” which means either he or the other kids had said “Want to be friends?”

It will never cease to amaze me how fast and easy kids can make “friends”. When then do we lose that gift? As I’ve gotten older it has definitely become harder to make friends. Are my expectations too high? Or are they too low, and so I sabotage any friendship before it has any chance of growing into anything better.

I look at when I made friends: elementary school, if it wasn’t for facebook I don’t think I would speak to any of them. (I suppose I don’t really speak to them). Middle School/Jr. High I went to a school other than my homeschool so I think that may have hindered communication with some of the grade school friends. Would that be different now in the age of texting and IM’ing? High School for one reason or another I ended up going to 4 different schools. I speak to only one person from middle/jr  and only a couple of people from high school are actually part of my life again if not for FB. Even those people are mostly linked to my wife (whom I met in high school).

The next chapter in my life was the military. I spent xx years in the Marine Corps and I made bonds with people that I know will be actually part of my life forever. Each bond stronger than the last. From training to actual combat. I can remember meeting each of those people and what they meant and how they got me through those tough days and the of course the tough days that follow an enlistment.

After the Marine Corps I didn’t think I’d make friends again. I then joined a group of athletes that showed me I couldn’t be more wrong. I remember the first few days and probably weeks and months it took for me to open up to them. I felt they’d never understand me. They do understand, and surprisingly enough I understand them. As I write these words I come to the realization that it’s been 4 years since I met those folks and I haven’t made any real friends since then. So again, why do we or I refuse to make these connections. Certainly I’ve met people in the last 4 years, right? Yet none really important as all those previously mentioned. (One that comes close I feel close to only because his name and everything about him reminds me of a friends that is very sadly no longer just a phone call away.)

Just as the “you’re it!” earlier made me take a look at friendship and the part it’s played in my life. His goodbye gave me some more insight. “OK bye” and then he walked my way. “I made a friend dad” he exclaimed. Before we even made it to the elevator he had moved on. So I guess there’s just no pressure when we’re young because we haven’t dealt with loss yet. As I’ve grown older I guess I’m done wanting to invest too much of myself in someone I might lose. I will continue to treasure those in my very small circle of friends. All the while hoping it was still OK as adults to say “Want to be friends?”

 

59 days of running in 2014.

total miles ytd : 240 miles. at this pace I should be running more than 1400 miles in 2014. a ha and just lik that I found the mileage and time I want to add to challenges. That’s not to say I can’t put an end to the streak it’s just I have keep busy and keep up with at least 120 a month.

I think looking at those totals that I may have slacked off  a little this time around.. I mean February is a short month, but it should haven’t have been 20 miles short.  Here’s to March being equally awesome. I’m signed up for a Nike challenge of 100 miles or more.

side note, I have to add that G really enjoyed playing with her cabbage patch doll as a little girl. Here is a picture of our baby with some awesome pigtails. OK enough for now I need some cookies, I mean I need some water.

rain, rain, go away

i think i hate it when it rains.

no i’m absolutely sure.

#runstreak update: Day 91: 4 miles.

luckily i was done with the run just minutes before the rain. so to all my angelenos our week of winter is coming. to all my friends from the other coast. the polar vortex is apparently here and my beautiful sky is gloomy and crying.

the sound of rain will obviously not help the “insomnia”. I’m so annoyed, and that seems to wake me up even more. On a good note like I mentioned about earlier I finally ran more than 1 mile and actually felt pretty good about my run.

“how’s the weather in your neck of the woods?” For those just visiting LA, I apologize I assure you this is a fluke.

 

ooops did I do that….

i woke up this morning still not shooting on all cylinders. if you’ve been reading the blog for at least a few days you know the reason. short version it’s a combination of some adult liquid calories over the weekend and my oreo binge last night.

after a shower and other morning routine stuff i woke up the boy and well he was tired to and my first reaction was less than awesome. i felt terrible the moment the words left my mouth. it wasn’t his fault that i’d made some poor decisions. not to mention he was acting just exactly how i felt on the inside (if you ask my wife i was acting like that on the outside too).

luckily i was dropping him off and so I had another half hour to first of all apologize. i’m no above apologizing to my son. i could tell he was still not certain why i had snapped but we talk like we always do and he knew dad was back on board with our normal fun.

I dropped him off and drove to work. when i drop him off i have an extra long drive and so i switch through quite a few radio stations. I heard someone reading a blog/article about being a perfect parent. they tried to talk it up only to get back to the point of it being incredibly difficult to live up to perfect standards.

i immediately thought of something i’d heard before “THE ONLY TIME YOU’RE A PERFECT PARENT IS BEFORE YOU HAVE CHILDREN”. I couln’t help but smile at the thought that I had just messed something up royally that morning but that ultimately it wasn’t the end of the world. The day would go on. Not I nor anyone else would be a perfect parent and for the most part parents do the best with what they have.

I will always think back on the first day I met either one of my children and wonder how soon after i met them did I mess something up. i will say that lessons learned from meeting the boy has made me a better father to the girl and meeting the girl has made me think about the man i’ve become and how different i am to the man who met the boy.

i’ll end this post with another i’m sorry to my son. i try very hard to not stress out on life and even more so to keep your life as peaceful as possible since life will be hard as it is with out your dad adding to the crazyness.

oh daddy.

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Her brother had a sleep over at Grandma’s house.

I had 12 miles on the schedule that I completely overslept for.

Well at least until I heard this one stirring. She’s been sitting with a bit of assistance for some time now but today we realized how ready she is to sit on her own as well as how much of a character she already is.

I shot off about 100 shots because of course she hears the shutter sound from the phone and she becomes a little ham. Big cheesing like a pro already at just shy of 7 months. So I take enough to get past the posed smile and capture something like this. I’ve done it a 1000 times with her brother and now I was so happy to have one of my daughter as well.

I wanted to post on FB and have a caption contest because I can only imagine what thoughts are behind this warm expression. Care to take any guesses.

Unbroken

Post a day be damned today almost got away from me. the wife was working late which means I was playing a game of 2 on 1 that I have to admit I did pretty well on.

anyway right when I was about to throw in the towel I remembered a trailer that I saw today and well I thought to myself I better share it because just as I had never heard of this man, others may never had heard about him or the book this movie is based on.

So here it is? Have any of you read the book? I will be buying the book tomorrow and will be watching Angelina Jolie’s take it as soon as possible. If any of you have hooks ups for me to watch it right away , let me know.