Surprise Mothe*%^*&!

Day 2.

What surprised you this year?

A year is a long time. I could probably pick out how many things surprise me daily, everyday is surprising if you really pay attention. As I racked my brain though, for a moment that really surprised me I kept coming up with moments where I lost my “cool” and couldn’t really hold in my emotions. I won’t go into much detail as there are too many for this particular post. Some regarding my children, even some long forgotten arguments with the curly one. Still none really made me feel the way remembering a very SURPRISINGLY emotional moment I felt so far from home.

I’d been running for about 12 miles. Now yes, that’s a lot of miles but it wasn’t the distance that got the best of me. Despite the less than stellar build up I had adjusted the pace to simply complete the race and take it all in. After all I didn’t travel to the other side of the country to fail. Yet it hit me like a ton of bricks. Talk about surprise. I read the first name and along with it a picture of two beautiful children smiling on what I can only guess is their Daddy’s lap. Then another picture and another. All different ranks, and along with the names the date they bid this world good bye. I had read about the “blue mile” but nothing prepared me for the overwhelming emotion I felt. I thought of my two beautiful children and how lucky I am that they don’t have to for now live in a world with out their dad or mom.

Then like a 1-2 punch after all the names and pictures a sectioned lined completely by those “gold star” families. So yes, those left behind to suffer and endure the pain that War leaves in it’s wake. I had stopped to walk during the names. I wanted to make sure and read as many as I could. The moment after I high fived a couple of the kids I knew I couldn’t help but cry and so as they cheered for me and all the other runners I had to run. As is the case when sad about war I feel guilty for being home. Especially when I’m not where I’d like to be in life just yet.

So I ran, probably faster than I should have but then again it always feels that way in the last 10K of a marathon. I reached “the bridge”, the point of no return in the Marine Corps Marathon. It means I had to finish. Right before crossing the finish line I found my son, who my wife had made sure was there to see Daddy. I hugged and kissed him and my wife took a picture of my smiling next to Daddy.

I finally crossed the finish line, a newly minted Lieutenant placed the beautiful Eagle Globe & Anchor.  It was just as sweet as the first time I earned mine. I hobbled with the rest of the runners over to the Marine Corps Memorial and I couldn’t have been prouder to be a Marine. It was not lost on me that I was extremely lucky to be walking towards my family.

it’s going to be OK

Next year I’m going to let go of the need to beat myself up for not writing as much as I do come December.

Every year is the same, I write all of December, maybe even a post or two in January and then by the time my birthday comes around the blog fever has left me until something really sticks out to me or until reverb15.

So after a few years I know exactly how the story will play out. So in 2015 that will not be the case. I will write when my fingers won’t allow it any other way. I will not be a slave to a writing schedule. I will let go of all the hard feelings towards my writing and by default myself. Here’s to happy writing and for rest days that keep you just as busy.

somewhere in the vicinity of 20/20

I don’t believe hind sight is 20/20, but I assume it’s pretty damn close.

I suppose if we could all see into the future our decisions might be different. I’d like to think that as I’ve gotten older I try and think things through a lot more carefully than I might have in the past.

So as far 2014 is concerned, no specific day sticks out in mind as one I should have treated differently. I can pick a couple days I wish went differently but it’s not so much as decisions as it was chance. Like rain after a car wash or gas right before the price goes down.

Since I hate list maybe just the obvious days. I wish I didn’t go out for a run the day I broke my foot. I don’t even run in that exactly location/direction any more. I’m not sure I ever will. I suppose it doesn’t matter since it won’t give me back that day.

On more than one occasion I wish I didn’t drink that last beer. Only because I don’t think the baby got the memo about letting daddy sleep it off.

Well enough about do overs, lets bring on tomorrow.

3, 2, 1, Go!!!!!………

My life is far, far from perfect!

I will say that as was evident in my very first #reverb post this year. If you really take a moment to think about your day, there is something to be happy about no matter what you may be going through. (Precisely why I love this project, it’s easy to get down on your self this time of year.)

Today the wonderful Kat McNally specifically asks us to do just that. By simply asking reminding me that it’s easy to put off loving our life until it’s perfect. (That obviously is probably impossible, at least for this guy.) So what then do I love about my life right NOW?

As I often do, I start these entries by writing in my journal. I started writing and well when concentrating on what I love the list is quite lengthy and I felt a lot better about the things that are wrong or just not at a place I love yet. (It does not fix them, but it really puts it into perspective)

So what part of my life am I in love with right NOW: My decision to finally pull the trigger per say on my Crossfit journey. I may give you a different response when I’m actually “cleaning” or halfway through an un godly amount of burpees.

Overall though it’s helped me bounce back from a crappy/non active summer (see broken foot post). I was in a cast for 14 weeks, add more beer in those 3 months than I’ve probably drank in the last 5 years and I quickly put on a lot of “baby weight”. I won’t mention where I started but I’ll say that I went from running a marathon to my heaviest in (and I got back to) 5 years. Needless to say my first day of Crossfit was a horrible shock to my system but I knew from my days in my beloved Marine Corps that it’s exactly what was missing and what would compliment all my running.

Here I am 3 months later. My weight is not where I want to be YET, but heading in the right direction and quickly. I haven’t really felt like drinking with that next WOD always waiting for me. (i might have really wanted one after a few WOD’s though.) I’m stronger and aside from being sore every so often I feel amazing. Again except when actually performing burpees.

I love this because it’s only been three months. I’m looking forward to 2015 when I can look back on an entire year of WODS. (and an LA Marathon after 6 months of being a Dark Horse athlete)

here we go again

When I finally get around to writing a/my book I’m certain it will be in December. Project reverb is directly responsible for some of my most productive writing.

I’m also certain that it will be at the end of the most amazing/kick ass year of my life. This unfortunately is not that year and so still no book on the horizon.

I kicked off this year as hopeful as ever. I was finally out of the zombie state of a new baby. I was in the middle of a #RWrunstreak (I kept it going for 100 days). It only ended because I ran the hottest LA Marathon in the last 10 years.

I had only about a month on, on the new job that had gotten me out of a deep funk that comes with extended periods of time away from the work force.

This year had all the makings of a great year. Even as I type that I can already tell I expected a lot more than what actually was. Now I suppose that is why I love this reverb, because even as I typed that I was forced to think about all the great things that happened to me this year despite the bad things.

For one I kicked this year off with my family in my arms. At the stroke of midnight I hugged the three of them. So today as we kick off the last month of the year, I remind myself that where I am won’t matter as much as who I’m with when we bid 2014 adieu!

Project Reverb!

You’re it!

He’d been in the pool for all of 5 min before I heard him yell out “you’re it!” which means either he or the other kids had said “Want to be friends?”

It will never cease to amaze me how fast and easy kids can make “friends”. When then do we lose that gift? As I’ve gotten older it has definitely become harder to make friends. Are my expectations too high? Or are they too low, and so I sabotage any friendship before it has any chance of growing into anything better.

I look at when I made friends: elementary school, if it wasn’t for facebook I don’t think I would speak to any of them. (I suppose I don’t really speak to them). Middle School/Jr. High I went to a school other than my homeschool so I think that may have hindered communication with some of the grade school friends. Would that be different now in the age of texting and IM’ing? High School for one reason or another I ended up going to 4 different schools. I speak to only one person from middle/jr  and only a couple of people from high school are actually part of my life again if not for FB. Even those people are mostly linked to my wife (whom I met in high school).

The next chapter in my life was the military. I spent xx years in the Marine Corps and I made bonds with people that I know will be actually part of my life forever. Each bond stronger than the last. From training to actual combat. I can remember meeting each of those people and what they meant and how they got me through those tough days and the of course the tough days that follow an enlistment.

After the Marine Corps I didn’t think I’d make friends again. I then joined a group of athletes that showed me I couldn’t be more wrong. I remember the first few days and probably weeks and months it took for me to open up to them. I felt they’d never understand me. They do understand, and surprisingly enough I understand them. As I write these words I come to the realization that it’s been 4 years since I met those folks and I haven’t made any real friends since then. So again, why do we or I refuse to make these connections. Certainly I’ve met people in the last 4 years, right? Yet none really important as all those previously mentioned. (One that comes close I feel close to only because his name and everything about him reminds me of a friends that is very sadly no longer just a phone call away.)

Just as the “you’re it!” earlier made me take a look at friendship and the part it’s played in my life. His goodbye gave me some more insight. “OK bye” and then he walked my way. “I made a friend dad” he exclaimed. Before we even made it to the elevator he had moved on. So I guess there’s just no pressure when we’re young because we haven’t dealt with loss yet. As I’ve grown older I guess I’m done wanting to invest too much of myself in someone I might lose. I will continue to treasure those in my very small circle of friends. All the while hoping it was still OK as adults to say “Want to be friends?”

 

Steady Your Hearts…Choose Your Glory!!

i hadn’t been at the movies since i took a solo trip to the theater for “Wolf of Wallstreet”. i’m not sure how i managed to stay away for this long but I’m glad that dry spell is over. i think it was a good movie to break the rut too. “300: Rise of an Empire”. It won’t be winning any awards but it’s OK sometimes you just want to see some stuff blow up and bad assery at it’s finest.

i think it’s because at one point i was on the receiving end of one of those motivating speeches before going into battle that i can really appreciate those moments regardless of how cheesy it seems out of context of any real fear or danger for the audience.

obviously my battle was different and i was wearing just a tad bit more clothing but as any other warrior can tell you it’s not the size of your war that matters. the feeling just before it is what will forever stay with me. I guess it’s the overwhelming amount of time you hover in fight or flight mode that really does a number on how anything else will ever be experienced in our lives.

which brought me back to real life. i’ve expressed how my build up wears me down and i start seeing marathon in everything. well this movie really did a number on me. the first battle is actually the battle of marathon. the entire narrative of the movie is taking us towards Athens like that first marathon did so very long ago.

well that’s my two cents. i enjoyed the movie because i can check out when i walk through the door, if you’re already a fan then you will dig it. it’s not a pre-qual or a se-qual it’s more of a parallel story to the one of Leonidas and his 300.

#runstreak update. Day 100!!