2013 good bye for good.

i think i was sicker than i first thought when I woke up. I wrote 3 different checks today and by the end of the night I realized i wrote them all out for 3/6/13.

yup well into the 3rd month of the year and i’m still in 2013. 2 out of the 3 didn’t notice and apparently those deposits are on to the next step and now it’s to my bank. i’m crossing my fingers that no one else notices.

the 3rd party wants me to come by and either initial the original check or bring by new check with correct date. i felt pretty dumb about the whole thing, but as I searched the net to make sure it wasn’t as bad as I thought I realized plenty of people have and even farther into the year than i had done.

I need some more rest but as i sit here remember the words form a wiser soul: i have about 52 more hours to be sick. then I’ll rock it out on Sunday morning.

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it’s taper week suckers…leave me alone.

it’s my 5th consecutive LA Marathon and 6th marathon over all. you’d think i’d have this under control by now. but noooo my nerves are still causing havok on my day. it’s taper week and without fail, i now feel like i’m fighting off a cold or something. if history is repeats itself i’ll be just fine on race day and after a mile or two i’ll settle into a nice race pace and the rest is as “easy” as a marathon can be.

yet it’s crazy to be dealing with this and now having to wait. truthfully I wish the race was tomorrow and that i can get it over with. & that’s what I hate. the day off I end up enjoying every bit of pain and the highs and lows are equally gratifying. yet leading up to it I’m a mess. anyone else have dreams or other panic inducing issues before race day?

ultimately I do believe that this week should be a restful one and that I should trust that the last 4 1/2 months of running will do the trick. I just have to trust that i’ve already done all that is needed and that stressing about it this week will only negatively affect my race. so i’m going to try and focus on day by day. tomorrow i have work so keeping busy does help. both Thursday & Friday I have only 1 mile planned. On the schedule it’s a ‘rest’ day but of course I’m still on my #runstreak and it will be day 99 and 100 respectively.

my plans for Saturday are still up in the air. i’m really torn about running on Friday logging 100 consecutive days of running and then resting on Saturday before the race or extend it right through my Sunday run and possibly ending at 102 (race day) I’m also through two months of running and completing the 365 days of running seems attainable. will i want to break it then? should i break it now so it’s not a huge deal?

 

alright, alright, alright…..just keep living!

last night i, along with any other film buffs in the city if not the world watched as hollywood’s elite threw a party and told each other how awesome they were.

i think it’s pretty great because i do love the movies and i can’t keep a straight face telling my humble “war” stories let alone really sell some of the roles that last nights nominees were up for.

I take it for what it is entertainment. I don’t think that these people shouldn’t care about certain causes or fights. yet i don’t necessarily think that it’s the place to make statements of a political nature. I feel when one does it seems out of place and the message even is lost because of the opportunistic nature of it.

not to mention someone always seems to have a problem with what these actors say or don’t say. Jared Leto got it “right” this time by talking about people that have lived with the struggles he tried to portray. yet it seems he wasn’t specific enough and so still criticized for it. He mentioned AIDS by name. Matthew Mcconaughey on the other hand did not and then tried to make sense of what he though about 10 years ago and maybe even 10 years before that.

The same could be said for other actors and speeches but I chose to point those two out because it proof of being damned if you do and damned if you don’t. MM did thank God and so that group of people were happy. Is that what he didn’t mention AIDS or the LGTB community. I’ll add that I didn’t read that and if I mention that it’s just because thats how easy these media outlets make a story take off.

With the advent of social media stories spread even faster and i think with even less regard for truth. This group is mad and they should or shouldn’t be. I really think that it’s selfish of us to be upset about what some one said at their party that we were lucky enough to be invited to. Maybe they’ll start doing that in private next time. We would all sit there and read about what went on. If only to criticize what people wore.

I try not to be negative on my blog or on FB but today I guess I chose to vent here before doing so on FB. I figured if I wait till Tuesday all the Oscar buzz will be gone and my feed will go back to fighting about the other celebrities I mean loud mouthed politicians. I guess it could be worse. My friends could all be careless and not read or watch the news.

accountability is key

as far as writing prompts are concerned i’ve seen the one about writing a letter to your past self about a 100 times. my past self is kind of annoyed at hearing how things will be.

today a prompt i found had me writing to someone in the future. i guess i should write about how i hope things are now(then). i of course started to write because i know exactly how i want things to be. notice i immediately thought of writing to myself and not my children. i’m not ready to admit that i won’t be here for their forever.

as i started to type a letter to myself and wrote down things complimenting the new house or success at work. a fear like none other came over me. what if those things aren’t real just yet. how far in the future do i need to send this letter for that to be the case. then i was even more critical at the fact that i’m not sure if those things will ever happen.

so i’ve decided that the letter should not be for a younger Jose who wouldn’t listen to reason anyway. lets face it, that’s what got to us to where we are now and although I know it’s where we need to be on this journey of mine it’s not. i can’t write to future Jose because of reasons already explained above. so this letter really needs to be me now.

Hey Jose,

it’s almost midnight again, you really do have to start posting to your blog a lot earlier than “almost tomorrow”. so i need you to understand that i’m in no way complaining about how things are going lately. life is better than where you were just last year. i just need you to understand that if you want things to be the same or somewhat better then you’re good. yet if your goal is to be a 10 times better then  you need to make a change. you need to make changes in how you perceive accountable.

I want you to lose some weight. I’ve been nice and getting by on just your running as you can see is not cutting it. i read somewhere that you should let the time something will take discourage you, because the time will pass no matter what. so just start eating better. as well as posting your runs maybe you should start an online journal of what you eat. when forced to look back daily or weekly at what you eat it has to have an impact on the autopilot that just says go.

I need you to continue writing but if and when you feel stuck ,do not be shy about turning to classic pen and paper.

always w/ you,

Jose Callejas

 

 

ooops did I do that….

i woke up this morning still not shooting on all cylinders. if you’ve been reading the blog for at least a few days you know the reason. short version it’s a combination of some adult liquid calories over the weekend and my oreo binge last night.

after a shower and other morning routine stuff i woke up the boy and well he was tired to and my first reaction was less than awesome. i felt terrible the moment the words left my mouth. it wasn’t his fault that i’d made some poor decisions. not to mention he was acting just exactly how i felt on the inside (if you ask my wife i was acting like that on the outside too).

luckily i was dropping him off and so I had another half hour to first of all apologize. i’m no above apologizing to my son. i could tell he was still not certain why i had snapped but we talk like we always do and he knew dad was back on board with our normal fun.

I dropped him off and drove to work. when i drop him off i have an extra long drive and so i switch through quite a few radio stations. I heard someone reading a blog/article about being a perfect parent. they tried to talk it up only to get back to the point of it being incredibly difficult to live up to perfect standards.

i immediately thought of something i’d heard before “THE ONLY TIME YOU’RE A PERFECT PARENT IS BEFORE YOU HAVE CHILDREN”. I couln’t help but smile at the thought that I had just messed something up royally that morning but that ultimately it wasn’t the end of the world. The day would go on. Not I nor anyone else would be a perfect parent and for the most part parents do the best with what they have.

I will always think back on the first day I met either one of my children and wonder how soon after i met them did I mess something up. i will say that lessons learned from meeting the boy has made me a better father to the girl and meeting the girl has made me think about the man i’ve become and how different i am to the man who met the boy.

i’ll end this post with another i’m sorry to my son. i try very hard to not stress out on life and even more so to keep your life as peaceful as possible since life will be hard as it is with out your dad adding to the crazyness.

oh daddy.

IMG_0499

 

Her brother had a sleep over at Grandma’s house.

I had 12 miles on the schedule that I completely overslept for.

Well at least until I heard this one stirring. She’s been sitting with a bit of assistance for some time now but today we realized how ready she is to sit on her own as well as how much of a character she already is.

I shot off about 100 shots because of course she hears the shutter sound from the phone and she becomes a little ham. Big cheesing like a pro already at just shy of 7 months. So I take enough to get past the posed smile and capture something like this. I’ve done it a 1000 times with her brother and now I was so happy to have one of my daughter as well.

I wanted to post on FB and have a caption contest because I can only imagine what thoughts are behind this warm expression. Care to take any guesses.

mentiroso

cheat: “to gain an advantage on a rival or foe” ~ it was a beautiful lie.

what a story. one that’s come full circle for me. many years ago i read and felt extremely inspired by the book “it’s not about the bike: my journey back to life”.

I sang it’s praises to anyone who would listen. it meant so much for me: his perseverance in the face of the disease and then to come back from that and excel in an endurance sport. Other than sparse memories of my father watching the peloton on tv, it was the first I’ve really felt intrigued by what it meant to put yourself through “pain” for fun. It would take several years after that for me to run “far”. Even longer to jump on a bike and try to even mimic an idol like Lance.

sure enough as I made a transition from just running – to completing my first olympic distance triathlon Lance was once again kicking but this time in Iron man races around the world. Something i’m sure just raised more questions about his fitness and his level of awesomeness. I still just told people what a “bad ass” lance was and about the traits I had read about in the book that made him so special. Surely it wasn’t doping.

Not to long after that I sat watching Oprah online and listening to him say that he cheated. Well not in those words because I still feel it was a non apology. He justifies it by simply saying it was the only way to compete. It really threaten to hurt the way I felt about him. Yet it’s hard because he obviously still had to do plenty of work to stay competitive and as horrible as we can imagine it to be. You can’t fake all the dedication to even go through with whatever horrors he had to.

Yes we can’t ignore the lengths he went through to cover up that lie. By his own admission it wasn’t lying over and over it was always to cover up that initial lie. Isn’t that human nature: self preservation. I don’t think it automatically makes him a psychopath. Am I too human then because as straight an arrow as I try to be, I can admit to not always making the right decision in a societal point of view. I also then remember that he didn’t actually wrong me.

Tonight I sat through the entire documentary “The Armstrong Lie”. It was tough at times to watch especially with great contrast between both people side by side. The Lance denying countless accusations or the Lance that is admitting it with out any good reason to or any show of real emotion behind it. I plan to reread the book. Perhaps with the new lens I often mention.