alright, alright, alright…..just keep living!

last night i, along with any other film buffs in the city if not the world watched as hollywood’s elite threw a party and told each other how awesome they were.

i think it’s pretty great because i do love the movies and i can’t keep a straight face telling my humble “war” stories let alone really sell some of the roles that last nights nominees were up for.

I take it for what it is entertainment. I don’t think that these people shouldn’t care about certain causes or fights. yet i don’t necessarily think that it’s the place to make statements of a political nature. I feel when one does it seems out of place and the message even is lost because of the opportunistic nature of it.

not to mention someone always seems to have a problem with what these actors say or don’t say. Jared Leto got it “right” this time by talking about people that have lived with the struggles he tried to portray. yet it seems he wasn’t specific enough and so still criticized for it. He mentioned AIDS by name. Matthew Mcconaughey on the other hand did not and then tried to make sense of what he though about 10 years ago and maybe even 10 years before that.

The same could be said for other actors and speeches but I chose to point those two out because it proof of being damned if you do and damned if you don’t. MM did thank God and so that group of people were happy. Is that what he didn’t mention AIDS or the LGTB community. I’ll add that I didn’t read that and if I mention that it’s just because thats how easy these media outlets make a story take off.

With the advent of social media stories spread even faster and i think with even less regard for truth. This group is mad and they should or shouldn’t be. I really think that it’s selfish of us to be upset about what some one said at their party that we were lucky enough to be invited to. Maybe they’ll start doing that in private next time. We would all sit there and read about what went on. If only to criticize what people wore.

I try not to be negative on my blog or on FB but today I guess I chose to vent here before doing so on FB. I figured if I wait till Tuesday all the Oscar buzz will be gone and my feed will go back to fighting about the other celebrities I mean loud mouthed politicians. I guess it could be worse. My friends could all be careless and not read or watch the news.

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accountability is key

as far as writing prompts are concerned i’ve seen the one about writing a letter to your past self about a 100 times. my past self is kind of annoyed at hearing how things will be.

today a prompt i found had me writing to someone in the future. i guess i should write about how i hope things are now(then). i of course started to write because i know exactly how i want things to be. notice i immediately thought of writing to myself and not my children. i’m not ready to admit that i won’t be here for their forever.

as i started to type a letter to myself and wrote down things complimenting the new house or success at work. a fear like none other came over me. what if those things aren’t real just yet. how far in the future do i need to send this letter for that to be the case. then i was even more critical at the fact that i’m not sure if those things will ever happen.

so i’ve decided that the letter should not be for a younger Jose who wouldn’t listen to reason anyway. lets face it, that’s what got to us to where we are now and although I know it’s where we need to be on this journey of mine it’s not. i can’t write to future Jose because of reasons already explained above. so this letter really needs to be me now.

Hey Jose,

it’s almost midnight again, you really do have to start posting to your blog a lot earlier than “almost tomorrow”. so i need you to understand that i’m in no way complaining about how things are going lately. life is better than where you were just last year. i just need you to understand that if you want things to be the same or somewhat better then you’re good. yet if your goal is to be a 10 times better then  you need to make a change. you need to make changes in how you perceive accountable.

I want you to lose some weight. I’ve been nice and getting by on just your running as you can see is not cutting it. i read somewhere that you should let the time something will take discourage you, because the time will pass no matter what. so just start eating better. as well as posting your runs maybe you should start an online journal of what you eat. when forced to look back daily or weekly at what you eat it has to have an impact on the autopilot that just says go.

I need you to continue writing but if and when you feel stuck ,do not be shy about turning to classic pen and paper.

always w/ you,

Jose Callejas

 

 

Take me to the candy, I mean book store.

I purchased a few books today.

At least that’s how I’m telling it. If you talk to my wife about it I may have brought home the entire bookstore and she didn’t want any part of it. She was flabbergasted at the register and I was waiting for her to start asking questions about the library as she does from time to time. Today is gone and it didn’t go anywhere so I’m rushing to put the books away and I might have made it with out a scratch.

I started to think about my trip, and the damage done. I have never really been against the library trips, but I do appreciate owning a “few” books. So I think I might look for the library card and if I truly love a book I might then go buy it. Using that method it will have to be an amazing book to warrant a trip to the book store. Either that or I need to make more “smaller” trips so it’s not all in one bang.

I won’t go through the entire list but I do have to mention “Unbroken”. I’m beyond excited to watch the movie later this year but I was so saddened about not having heard about this incredible man; Louis Zamperini. This is what prompted the trip to the store. I have no idea how all the other books made it into my bag. I also grabbed books for the boy and girl.

I’ve been reading a book a week and I actually think the rate at which I’m reading at has increased quite a bit. So I will read “Unbroken” next week starting Wednesday. So if you haven’t read it yet, hurry up and pick up a copy before a spoiler filled post sometime next week. Fine, no spoilers. You should still go buy this ASAP and read what I know will be an inspiring journey.

Happy V day!

well there it is. i’m 33. different birthdays in my life stand out in my mind.

I feel like Forrest Gump when he talks about it being funny what someone remembers about their life.

I remember turning 10. I was happy to be in the double digits.

15 was a big year, I mean if I was jewish I’d be a man and if I was a girl I’d have a quincianera and be a woman right.

of course 18 was nice and with my chosen career path I was an adult and able to make those decisions.

I of course remember turning 21, I was away from my wife and I was also away from her at 22 in a land far away.

After that it’s all a blur and turning 30 was difficult but I’m on OK with it now. 33 was a great birthday. It started with a day of work but the kids were then when I was off. After getting them ready we met the wife at Bucca di Beppo for some dinner. I couldn’t/wouldn’t have had a better day. What a day!

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I bid you all…a heartfelt goodnight

Did any of you see Leno say “good night”? If I’m being completely honest I haven’t been a regular viewer for some time now. In comparison I watch Jimmy Fallon daily regardless of who the guest was. Jay I would set the DVR only when the guest was of my liking.

Jay was clearly emotional. Something I don’t remember being the case back in 2009 or ’10. I haven’t kept up with all the specifics but I couldn’t help but really feel for him as he tried to say his “good night”. I think he’s been really gracious about having mr. young blood coming in to take over. Or I should say taking it back to NY.

Back to the emotion. I thought about my last day in the Marine Corps. I went through the process of “checking out” of every department and turning issued gear back in. On of my very best friends in the Corps, another Sgt in my unit, made the rounds with me and I clearly remember the moment when he asked me why I was doing that to him.

I didn’t see it as doing anything to him and well in my preoccupation with the devastation of having to leave the Marine Corps, I hadn’t realized what that was doing for those brothers I’d gotten very close to. Which is what I got from Jay when he spoke about all those men and woman who I’m certain aren’t going to have as a great a time landing on their feet as he will.

Either way lets all wish Jay well and tune in to see if Jimmy brings all the fun of “Late Night” to the “Tonight Show” with him. I hope he brings “The Roots” with him and Higgins. More importantly, I’m even more excited to see what Seth Myers is bringing with him. I loved him on “Weekend Update” and really look forward to their 1-2 punch in late night TV.

Sad day

This weekend yet another person lost his battle with addiction. As is the case with any celebrity death it’s now been analyzed and repeated over and over. I for one always wonder the state of mind these people need to be in to get to that point.

I also wonder how long ago they may have ended it all if they had to put up with some of the struggles everyday folks have put up with. I’ve always heard that we all have our own crosses to bear but I’m still confused.

This man did not go hungry. This man was a very celebrated actor and although the parts he played were raw and now as an afterthought probably very demanding of his sanity. Yet I go back to the fact that he was not alone and it was very specific the results of an addiction that ultimately did him in.

I’ve always wondered if I’m not addicted to any substance because I know better or simply because I don’t have the disposable income to have that type of addiction. I can probably point to a few different things that I have been addictive too and in the grand scheme of things have been as equally devastating to my day/life.

I tried to ween myself off but ultimately it did not work until I cut it out cold turkey and stop rationalizing everything. It seemed I always thought it was under control. Until I learned that even a glimpse of an open door would mean it being kicked wide open and being in trouble all over again. I’m so glad everyday that passes that my vices are under control but it worries me when I hear talk of an addiction being ever present.

PSH was 23 years sober. Yet something knocked him off the wagon and the drug of choice was now too much for his body to handle.

 

She was the strongest woman I ever met

Dearly departed – Write your own eulogy.

I’m curious to see what other people wrote for their own eulogy. I don’t think I can write one for myself right now. Perhaps one day, but not today. It did get me thinking about what people (my family) would say about me if I died today.

So instead the ‘good-bye’, I’d like to write(give) is the one for my maternal grandmother, I guess you could say I wasn’t happy with the one that was given on that sad day and there’s so much I wish I had said to her.

Good bye grandma. For the rest of my life I will live with the heavy weight of not having said that to you before you left us. For so very long we prepared ourselves for this good bye and yet no one was ready.

I was running my 3rd marathon when we got news that you were ill. It wasn’t too long after that when the call came out to come say good bye. I wrestled with the idea and knew that I would live with my decision for ever. yet I now know that’s probably why I chose to stay away. I will forever live with that and in turn your memory will stay with me forever.

You were part of my life since I have reason. In our little town (in a big city) Atwater, you were everybody’s grandma. Everything to everyone. I remember you always said that you were completely OK with aging. Every part of your life an adventure. You may not have enjoyed your childhood because circumstances cut it short but you definitely made it a point to live life to the fullest.

You enjoyed your children and the baby in your family ended up being my mom. Making me and my siblings the youngest grandchildren. You also lived with us so I don’t care what anybody says I know we were your favorite. Even when your mind started failing you. You would forget your children but never did you forget my face. You met my son and your interaction with him always made me wish I was a little boy with me and that our good bye wasn’t so near.

It breaks my heart that you never met my little girl. Yet it warms my heart when she makes faces that remind everyone of you. I can only hope that she grows up to be a strong woman like you were. You may not have come from money but no one had more class than you.

___________

I have to stop for now and not sure I can continue this because I can’t begin to explain how much I miss her. Yet will publish this as is. I could probably keep this going forever so maybe some other time.